Have you ever experienced that flash of irritation when you’re trying to vent to a friend, colleague or partner about a problem, and they give you practical advice on how to move forward?
Or perhaps you’re more familiar with the unsettling experience of feeling dependent on someone else, as they help you navigate through a tough time, and you struggle to repay them for their well-intentioned help.
Not all support is equal. Sometimes support from others is just what we need - but other times, support falls flat.
What’s the difference?
Learning about how to give the best support - especially in the workplace - helps us to develop a stronger emotional intelligence, helping us to better put ourselves in another’s shoes and empathise adequately with their situation. Learning how to better help people helps us forge stronger relationships which improve how we work as a team in the workplace.
Often, how support is received, depends on how it’s perceived, or its visibility to the recipient. If the recipient is aware that they’re receiving support, then (unsurprisingly) we call that visible support. If not, then it’s invisible.
Whether that visible or invisible support actually works depends on a myriad of factors, including how the recipient’s motivation to figure things out for themselves and take charge. That’s where self-determination theory comes in.
Self-determination theory
Becoming self-determined is when an individual is able to think for themselves, make confident choices, and manage themselves in life. When we become self-determined, we are effectively in the driver’s seat of our lives and therefore become intrinsically motivated to continue to grow.
This macro-psychological theory of personality and motivation centres around two underlying assumptions: one, that our internal need for growth drives behaviour, and two, that intrinsic motivation is important.
Self-determination suggests that we become self-determined when three of our primary needs are fulfilled - our need for competence, connection, and autonomy. These needs are universal, but vary in intensity depending on the context; some will be more important than others at particular times during our lives.
1. Competence - the need to be able to control an outcome and experience full mastery.
2. Relatedness - the need to experience connection and interact with others, the need to care for and be cared for to and by others.
3. Autonomy - the need to experience overall agency and liberty over our own lives and choices.