In the movies, we always know who the bully is. They’re either aggressive, loud and physically threatening (with a particular vendetta against those who wear glasses) or they’re the Queen Bee, Mean Girls-style, judgemental and manipulative. They repeatedly antagonise our protagonist, and, in a beautiful narrative arc, the protagonist always fights back and wins. The bully crawls home, tail tucked between their legs. We celebrate a simplified display of good prevailing over bad.
For some strange reason, Hollywood doesn’t always paint the most accurate or realistic picture of bullies, especially the intricate bully-victim dynamic that permeates the adult world and we don’t always know who the bully is. Sometimes their bullying is covert and inconspicuous. Sometimes, it’s not that easy to stand up to their behaviour and put things right.
Let’s take the workplace, for example. Although it happens, outward primarily physical aggression is rare, as it’s such an overt sign of bullying that immediate consequences are likely imminent after an altercation. What tends to be more common are subtle microaggressions that deliberately break down an individual’s self-esteem and confidence.
It’s critical that we stay vigilant and learn to recognise the more subtle signs of bullying. This kind of behaviour has no place in a healthy working environment, with a culture that fosters both kindness and respect. It comes as no surprise that bullying has significant effects from a wider cultural level within an organisation, and at an individual level.
Many of these subtle behaviours hamper an individual’s need to belong and feel socially accepted. By bullying someone, often the victim feels like they’re an outcast and struggles to socially fit in - and the need to belong is a fundamental human psychological need, much like we need food and water physically. Subtle bullying often induces shame and loneliness, leaving the victim feeling isolated and confused.
At an individual level, being bullied or harassed by your peers is detrimental for both mental and physical health. We all share a basic need to feel both physically and psychologically safe at work.
Although the facts and circumstances around each case will affect what constitutes bullying behaviour, it's useful for us to understand how more subtle bullying may persist in the workplace and become aware of where repeated microaggressions may lie.
1. Impossible, inconsistent, or constantly changing expectations
If your manager’s expectations are constantly on the move, or frequently set at an unattainable level, this may amount to a subtle form of bullying.
While setting high goals, and expecting excellence from your team is an essential part of pushing people to the next level, consistently setting unrealistic expectations for an individual’s work breadth, experience and skill set, is unfair.
Setting unrealistic targets creates a highly pressurised environment for a worker and leaves them feeling chronically stressed and can even lead to burnout. Often, these scenarios occur in public sector companies, where resources are limited, with staff shortages and higher workloads. But by setting unrealistic targets, staff will feel cornered, overwhelmed and will be far more likely to leave, only contributing further towards the problem.